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Another method of discovering your true self

I’d like to experience a more structured way of knowing the truth. It’s called journaling. One of the best tools for self-empowerment is a journal. Now, what do you put in a journal? Well, everything you’ve written down so far if you’ve been following this blog is a good place to start. If you’ve tried and never succeeded to keep a journal perhaps it’s because you’ve tried to make it too perfect. If that’s the case with you, think of your journal as more of a scrapbook, a personal scrapbook. 

I found that the best kind of journal for me is s three ring-binder. That way I can write anything at anytime on whatever’s handy and just throw it in. I even have envelopes that are three hole punched and I just them to hold cards or mementos or anything. There are a number of journaling exercises you can do. There are a number of good books that can help you. One is The Creative Guide To Journal Writing by Dan Johnson. Published by Gateway Publications.

Now, let me share with you the most powerful journaling exercises I know of. It’s often called free writing. Here’s how it works. 

There are four rules:

Rule #1

Don’t ever stop writing. If you get blocked, write “Why am I blocked? What can’t I think of anything? I can never think of anything. I can remember when I was a kid, I could never think of anything.” And then it goes on until you get through the block. Keep the pen moving. Rule # 1.

Rule #2

Start anywhere and let it go anywhere. Any topic will do. You can write about high school chemistry class. You can write about muscles. You can write about why you feel especially sexy today. And let it goes where it goes. You may start by writing about blind date and end up writing about the crumbs in the leaf of the table in the kitchen. It’s that kind of stuff that makes this exercise so interesting and revealing. So, don’t worry about setting goals for your writing. Don’t worry about where you think you’re going. Rule #2.

Rule #3

Ignore rules about grammar, punctuation and spelling, about making sense in general. There are two modes we operate in when we are writing. The creative mode and the critical mode. Unfortunately, for many of us, we have a way over developed critical mode. You’ll notice it when you’re sitting in front of a blank sheet of paper or an empty computer screen and you can put one sentence down. Why? The critic is sitting on your shoulder saying, “That’s not good enough, they’re going laugh at that.” And what does that do? It shuts down the creative. So just for this exercise, bind and gag your critic, okay. Put him or her away for awhile. Suspend his judgment. It’s a relief. So, rule #3, ignore rules.

Rule #4

Burn it when you’re done. Or at least write it as if you where going to burn it. In other words, let it be okay to write the whole truth and nothing but the truth. Even the stuff you don’t want anybody to see. Even the stuff that politically incorrect. Even the stuff that scares you. And if you really do want to burn it when you’re done go ahead. You’ll still be miles ahead more than if you never wrote it at all. But chances are, you won’t want to burn it, because if you really forge ahead courageously in this exercise, you’ll see that what you thought was going to be scary or embarrassing was simply liberating. And into it trusty journal it will go; another piece of the wonderful puzzle called “you”.

So let’s do some free writing. I’m going to ask you to finish the following statement.

The truth about my life today is ____________________________

Write for 10 minutes. If you have a digital watch, set the timer, otherwise look at the clock. Go for 10 full minutes. And remember the four rules.

1. Don’t stop writing. Keep the pen moving. The pen has a mind of its own. Let it go.
2. Don’t worry about where you go. Let the writing go where it will.
3. Ignore the rules. Suspend the critic.
4. Write as if you were going to burn it when you’re done

Ready?

The truth about my life today is ____________________________

After you’ve done this, I see you back on Tuesday. 

Tomorrow is Video Blog day! Tune in for updated Turkey news and the cyber blackout. Yes, you read it right BLACKOUT.

Who is your best self?

Who is that person? Sit and get in touch with him or her from time to time. Again, the mechanism here, or the principle here is to step off the treadmill and observe, look, take some time to think. It’s a big problem for us in these days, is taking time to think. Getting a little solitude? How do we do that? We have our jobs. We have our families. We have our traffic jams. How do we find time to do this? Well, I can think of a number of ways. 

One is to do it in your car. Not when you’re driving, leave for work 10 minutes early and go and sit under a tree or in a parking lot and think. Nobody can get you there. It’s a good time and place to do it.

Another one is during your lunch hour. Rather than speed to a restaurant, stand in another line, whiff down another meal and speed back to your workplace, bring your lunch. Take a walk. Sit under a tree and think. It’s a lot more valuable lunchtime.

In the bathroom, that seems to be the one place in most of our homes that on one can get us. Pour a nice bath, put a lock on the door.

That reminds me of a funny story. I used to read Dear Abby. They were have a series about having sex in the shower. One woman wrote in and said, “Sex in the shower? My husband has made me do it in every room in the house.” She says, “The one place I get away from in is in the shower. Do not talk to me about sex in the shower.” 

I love that! Because that’s one of my favs.

I’d like to experience a more structured way of knowing the truth. I'll be sharing that tomorrow.

What's caught your attention lately?

Another exercise that you can observe is what’s caught your attention lately? What’s sticking in your mind? There’s great power in this. I think of a wonderful quote by Ralph Waldo Emerson and it deals with this directly. He says, “A thousand strangers walk by the front of my house and I pay them no mind, but when a stranger knocks on my door, I answer it.” 

A few antidotes, a few traits of character, a few people, a few incidents; all have an emphasis in your memory all proliferating of their apparent significance. You do notice this? They relate to your gift. They relate to your purpose. Let them have their weight and do not reject them. What your heart thinks is great, is great! The soul’s emphasis is always right. 

What’s caught your attention lately? Look at it. A million things have sped past your mind. Why is this one, or two, or ten things? What made them stick? Look at it.

Another one…facing a dilemma? Think about it. Take some time to think about it. Step off the treadmill. Ask yourself, “What would my best self do in this situation?” What would my best self do; the one who isn’t afraid of failing; the one to whom life is an adventure; the one who lives out their true values and know who they are. Who is your best self? 

More on your best self tomorrow.

Self-therapy

Another avenue to self-awareness is self-therapy. This is a little bit about what I dissected about what most talking therapies are, which is merely developing or exercising the observing consciousness.

I have a good example of self-therapy from a man that some of you may have heard of. His name is Scott Peck. The wrote The Road Less Traveled, which as be chained to the best seller list for 13 years, as well as other books on the related subject matter. Scott Peck has written many best sellers, including on of the best seller’s of all time. He speaks all over the world. He does lectures. He writes articles. He founded the Foundation of Community Encouragement, which is a non-profit organization that does community building seminars and workshops. He was a husband. He was a father. He was a very accomplished man. And I’m always fascinated by this.

A question was asked to Scott. “Scott, how is it that you get so much done?” He replied, “I get that question asked all the time and my answer surprises people.” He said, “I accomplish so much because I spend an hour a day doing absolutely nothing.” Well, the good doctor overstates his case just a bit. What he did may look like absolutely nothing, but it was not. What he did is for an hour after he woke up in the morning is that he went and sat and thought. He didn’t read. He didn’t eat breakfast. He didn’t write letters. He didn’t answer mail. He didn’t talk on the phone. He thought.

What did he think about? He thought about things like, who am I? Well, there’s a question for you. That’s an interesting question to step off the treadmill one day and ask yourself. Who am I? What’s going on here? What a question that is. What are my opportunities? What are my problems? What’s in front of me? And of course, a man like Scott Peck had 10 times the opportunities that he could ever take advantage of, as do we all. Don’t we? And so when you think, things come to you. When you ask yourself questions like that. 

I'll talk about another simple exercise tomorrow.

Other means of therapy

There are other means of therapy and they are proliferating every where. One of those means is a support group. A support group is a group of people who get together to talk about problems that they have or a problem that they have in common. 

We have cancer patient support groups. We have single parent support groups. We have support groups for people with Alzheimer. There are support groups for everything these days. Find one. Go. Talk about yourself. Hear what other people are doing. It’s an amazingly effective means for self-awareness. 

Another easy, cheep avenue to self-awareness or therapy, if you will, is the 12 step programs. The programs based on the Alcoholics Anonymous methodology, which is a 12 step program. And, there are all kinds of them. 

I remember reading on the web about a year ago that back in 1973 there were eight 12 step groups in Denver; last year there were 470. They are going like weeds. Why? Because they work. 

And we have them for everything. We have them, yes, for alcoholics; we have them for children of alcoholics. We have them for drug addicts. We have them for overeaters. We have them for compulsive gamblers. We have them for sex-alcoholics. We have them for shop- alcoholics. We have them for everybody. Yes, you can laugh at it. But the fact is, they work. 

They are a means of self-awareness. So, therapy works. Other means of therapy that are very predictable and valuable are the personality profiles. You can take them at any university. The Myer’s Briggs will tell you things about yourself that will blow you away. Other similar test can be found  by doing an internet search for personality profile test. 

The Myer’s Briggs well recognized and yes it does cost something and it takes a little time, but it will tell you things that blow you away. They really work. They’re really quite well developed. 

So therapy is one avenue to self-awareness. Another avenue to self-awareness is self-therapy.

More on self-therapy tomorrow.

Breaking Turkey News

I've interrupted my blog to bring you this breaking information.

Some avenues to self-awareness

The first one is therapy. This is the first road to self-awareness. I have been in therapy since my divorce. Nuts and proud, kind of like the bummer sticker. I tell my mother and she says, “You’re not in therapy again, are you?” I say, “Yes, I am.” 

In my mother’s day you had to be sick or nuts to go to therapy. These days you go to therapy because you want to move a little quicker. You want to find out more about yourself. 

I remember the first time I went to my therapist. I recall the first session very clearly. The therapist said to me, “So, what’s going on?” And I said, “Well…this is going on. She said, “How’s it feel?” I told her how I felt. She asks, “What can you do about it?” I said, “Well, I could do this, and I can do that.” She said, “How about this?” I said, “Oh, I can do this.” She said, “What would happen if you did that?” I said, “This.” She said, “How would this feel?”

What’s going on here? What was I doing? I was exercising the observing consciousness, but I was doing it with somebody else. That’s largely what therapy is. And, that’s not to diminish the roll of the therapist. Their roll is very important. But, for most of us, developing our observing consciousness on our on is too simple. It doesn’t cost enough. We have to pay $70 so we can take it seriously enough to sit down for an hour an do it. And that’s what therapy is. And it’s valuable. And people are doing it. And it works.

Now, if you’re not into paying $70 an hour or $35 or whatever it costs you, there are other means of therapy is a support group. I'll share more tomorrow.

The Scenarios

What should Jack do?

Scenario #1: He should stay with her. He should do it. Hey, passion fades. It’s just the initial rush of the relationship. After things wear on, she’ll calm down and everything will be okay. She’s too good to let go. Scenario #1: He should stay with her.

Scenario #2: He should leave her. This woman is trouble. This is just the tip of the iceberg. If this woman is like this now, in 10 years she’s going to be hopelessly shrewish. This woman will be hopeless dependent on him. Scenario #2: He should leave her.

Scenario #3: He should stay with her. Why, because this isn’t her problem. This is his problem. She’s just having a natural reaction to love. This is normal. It’s his problem. He’s the kind of guy who loves the pursuit, but the minute a woman turns around and says, “Okay, you caught me,” he turns around and runs in the other direction. It’s kind of like that great quote that says “I want no part of a club that will accept me as member.” Do you know what I’m talking about? So, Scenario #3—he should stay with her.

Scenario #4: He should leave her. This woman is a temptation. This woman is Delilah. She looks beautiful. She looks perfect in every way. But if he listens to his gut, his gut tells him the real truth. And, if has the strength to follow his gut, to follow his personal truth and to turn away from this woman as tempting as she may be then he will open himself up to his true love, to the perfect relationship. So, Scenario #4: He should leave her.

So which is it? I don’t know. But, I do know how Jack can figure it out, and that is through the methodologies of self-awareness. And, there are some.

Self-awareness does not come free. It does not come cheap. It’s something we have to put some energy towards. There are a number of avenues to self-awareness that are very concrete and predicable; and they work.

I’m going to talk about four of them beginning tomorrow.

Jack and Marsha

A friend of mine visited over Thanksgiving a few years ago. His name is Jack. And Jack has a problem. Jack is about my age and Jack had been corralling for years. Jack thinks it’s time to settle down and have kids. 

He was talking to me about it and he had found this woman who is beyond his wildest dreams. I met her and she is quite wonderful. Her name is Marsha. And Marsha is one of those women who’s drop dead beautiful. She’s the kind of woman that when she walks into a room people turn their heads. And the better thing about Marsha is that she kind of doesn’t know it. You know what I mean? She’s real down to earth. She’s real open. She’s real easy to be around. She’s the kind of person that when Jack saw her, he thought “She’d never be interested in me.” But she is. In fact, that’s the problem. She’s too interested in Jack. He said, “I can’t walk through the house without stopping me and wanting to go kissy face.”

He said, “Every time we do anything all she wants to do is talk about our relationship.” He said, “I have to get out of bed early in the morning before she wakes up or she’s all over me.” Now, this not something that Jack would have considered to be a problem. In fact, it’s a perfect example of “be careful what you wish for because you’re apt to get it.” And he has gotten it. And he talking about this and he doesn’t know what to do about it, because on one hand, she’s fabulous—more than he ever dreamed. Everybody loves her, everybody thinks she’s perfect, everybody’s saying, “Marry her.” 

And on the other hand he has this problem. It’s serious and it’s eating at him. And so we thought about it and we looked at it and we talked about it. And we came up with a number of scenarios.

Come back tomorrow to see what we came up with.

Breaking the shackles in your life

There are a number of levels where the mechanism of truth can operate. As I stated in a previous post, in your work life this is quite powerful. Ask yourself if you’re not happy in your job or you’re not happy in some aspect of your job. Am I a people person in a numbers job? Am I a numbers person in a people job? Do I have a problem with my boss or co-workers? What is it? Look at it. Tell the truth about it.

Look at your personal life, courageously. And, you may see that I want to be married, or I don’t want to be married. Or I want to have a kid or I don’t want to have a kid. Or I want to live in Huntsville or I don’t want to live in Huntsville. Or you might look at your life and say, “I’m in a fog all day because I drink too much every night and it’s controlling me, instead of me controlling it.” And until you look at it, until you really look at it courageously then nothing happens. You get to stay stuck. And that’s, again, the mechanism. Telling the truth, looking at the truth is a systematic way of breaking the shackles in your life. 

So the mechanism then so far as we have unfolded it is that we must observe ourselves. And we must tell the truth about what we see because the truth takes us step by step towards our self-empowerment.

Now, it’s one thing to believe in the power of truth; it’s another thing to know what the truth is. That’s the problem often times. I’m willing to tell the truth…what is it?

I’ve kept this post short today because tomorrow I have a story to tell you about Marsha and Jack. Check back for the juicy details.

Evaluation time

Obviously, it is important to both know and tell the truth to the people you manage. To make sure you do this, it’s a good idea formalize the process. Chances are, you already do in performance appraisals. If not, start. But even if you do performance appraisals, try doing your whole team at once. Why not do it now? I shouldn’t take more than 15-20 minutes.

Start by identifying the qualities that are important to you and your organization. Productivity, quality, working relationships, creativity, new ideas, organization, communication skills, or whatever. Then rate each of your people on a scale of 1 to 5. You’ll get a clearer picture instantly of how each person is doing and how you can help them do better. 

If you don’t want to take the time to do that, try this quick and dirty approach. Imagine that the team of people you work with right now is about to be frozen. Right this minute you get to say whether you want each of these people on your team for the rest of your life.

Think of each of them individually. If you had to choose your team that you would have for the rest of your life, would they be on it? If not, what are you doing working with them now?

So again, the truth brings you closer to who you are. It brings you closer to the people you ought to be with, the things you ought to be doing.

Every time you tell the truth it’s another step in your path of self-empowerment. Every step you take is another step toward liberation. Every time you chose not to tell the truth, you get to stay stuck, recycling the same drama. You get to stay suffering.

So we begin to see then that it is the mechanism at play here. And that’s what we’re looking at this the mechanism of self-empowerment. 

We begin to see that if we observe our life, if we exercise our observing consciousness, then we can see the areas in our life where we are stuck, and we are in suffering and we are in pain. And when we see that, we can ask ourselves, “How am I not telling the truth here…to other people. How am I not telling the truth to myself?”

Tomorrow, more the mechanism to self-empowerment

Announcement

Today, I became a member of the International Press Association.

I have changed direction in my life and hope to turn my new dream into a profession. Because I am serious about my gig (which is yet to be revealed), I believe this organization affords me the credibility that goes along with my new profession.

Find out more at http://internationalpress.com

I'll get back on my self-empowerment blog tomorrow. Just too much to do. Thanks everyone for supporting me.

The Yard Sale Show

Sorry, I was so late with this. It's not quite as funny, but I'm learning my equipment and software.

Enjoy.

Solid Citizens

Solid Citizens are great! And we have a lot of them. You, know, their most important thing is not necessarily their career. They have families, they go to church, they have girl scout troops, but when they are at work for the eight hours they are there, they’re creative, and they're productive, they handle their customer’s well, and there are innovative and they are a lot of fun to be around. We love our Solid Citizens. And we are loyal to our Solid Citizens.

And what else we realized is that we have a lot of Learners. These are people who are new. They haven’t gotten their footing quite yet, or these are people who have just been promoted and they’re faltering around a little bit until they get the ropes. And our job is to be as good as possible at making them as good as possible; at teaching them. And, we love our Learners.

Then we realized another thing and that is that, yes, there are a few people in the company who qualify as Deadwood. And that wasn’t so bad either. Because what we realized when we really looked at it, was that we love our Deadwood. We love our Deadwood because we realized is that they’re not Deadwood. As one of our manager’s said, "Nobody’s Deadwood. God doesn’t make Deadwood." And we realized that too. And we realized that, sure, I’ve been in this situation and maybe you have too, there are just some people who are just not cut out for the job. They are square pegs in round holes. And they’re trying and they don’t get it and they are conscience of it.

But, they’re not succeeding. And it’s obvious they’re not succeeding. They’re afraid that other people are noticing that they are not succeeding. And other people are going to think they are Deadwood. Then, maybe they begin to think they are Deadwood. And that’s an awful thing. We as managers can change that. And we committed to do just that. We’ll go back to these people and just tell them the truth about themselves or about they’re performance in this position. One two things happened.

One was, we saw that is was salvageable. This person wasn’t right for this position, but they were perfect for this other position. And, we saw that people literally overnight went from Deadwood to Stars. It happened on more than one occasion. That’s a wonderful outcome of management and truth.

The other outcome is, its still not going to work. It was quite obvious that some people are just not going to succeed in this organization. If they can’t recognize that truth; if they refuse to see it, we must…insist. And we free up their future as we so delicately put it. And that’s not a bad outcome either. It’s really not. It can be painful. It can be frightening. But for people who have lived through it, who’ve woken up by it, find that it’s one of the best things that’s ever happen to them.

We’ve heard of more than one person, call or write or visit and say, “Thanks, I needed that.”

A Management Exercise

One year, the company I worked for at the time, T.V.A. (Tennessee Valley Authority) had us participate in a management retreat. There was an exercise that we're to do that’s often done in management retreats. And what it is, is when you look at the people who report to you and you grade them 1 to 5 in about 20 areas. When you do that, you further categorize them into 4 categories:

1. Stars
2. Solid Citizens
3. Learners
4. Deadwood

After this was explained to us, we did not want to do this. Categorize our people? Subject them to numbers? Remember, these are human beings! Nonetheless, we gave it a try. We all scattered to the trees and the quite spots, and we starting doing it. Everybody had the same story when we reconvened.

As frightening as it was, it was exhilarating exercise. Because, when we look at our people specifically, honestly and courageously, we saw the truth. The truth was exiting.

What we saw is that we had a lot of Stars and I don’t know why. I don’t know what makes a star. It’s just kind of that wonderful meeting of sweet spots. It’s where they are in their career. It’s where we are as a company, but they are whirling dervishes. They go to sleep thinking about their job. They wake up with ideas in the middle of the night. And they are just as productive as they can be as well as creative.

We love our Stars. The only thing I can say about our Stars is that I hope we can be worthy of them? This was a wonderful realization.

The second thing we realized is that we have a lot of Solid Citizens.

The first rule of truth

The truth brings you closer to the people you love. The truth brings you things that are right for you. In fact, I can state it as a law of the universe. The law says, the closeness of your relationships is directly proportional to the degree that you have revealed the truth about yourself. That it. It’s that simple. It always works and it works in all areas of your life.

Think about your job for a minute. To what degree do the people you work with know who you are? What your dreams are? Know what you’re capable of? Know what you want to contribute?

Even on a mundane level, to what degree does that person who stops you several times a day and wastes your time with idle chatter, to what degree do they even know how you feel about it? 

On a personal level, to what degree have you really revealed yourself to what you love in life? Do they know what your dreams are? Do they know what you really like? To what degree have you revealed yourself to them?

It’s kind of like a friend of mine who asks, "Do you know what couple do after they have a really big fight?" You know what they do. They have really great sex! How many of you have ever experienced this? Exactly. Why? Because, the walls are down. You’re laying it all out. The energy is released. You’re looking at each other and you’re telling each other the truth and it is a turn on. You can forget the whips and chains. Telling the truth is the biggest turn on of all. It really is. It brings us closer. 

Every time you choose to not tell the truth because it’s not the right time, or you don’t want to hurt their feelings or somehow you just don’t know how to say it. When you do that, it is yet another brick in the wall. And if you do that enough, you’ll build a solid wall around yourself and you’re isolated from other people and you’re cut off from your own true self. You’re separated from the things that make you happy. That is an expression of fear, of isolation, of separation. And the truth frees us.

Often times, it’s more of an issue in our work life because those of us who are managers, not only have to tell the truth about ourselves, that’s tough enough, but as managers, we have to tell the truth about other people. And that’s even tougher, isn’t it?

At TVA we had an exercise that was quite revealing about myself. I’ll share that with you tomorrow.

Dealing with Truth

Here's a real life example that brings it down to earth. About 14 years ago, I decided I needed a sabbatical. I was always a workaholic since running my own business. I decided I needed to dis-attach. I needed disconnect from work. I decided I would take about three weeks and go to the Netherlands. I stayed with my sister and her family who live near Amsterdam.

And before I went, I was talking to some of my friends about it and so forth. And I have a very good friend who is a business associate. Her name is Jane. Jane and I are very close, like sisters. And Jane was very supportive. Jane said, “Sheila, this is exactly what you need.” She said, “Make it work for you. And here’s what do to help make it work.” She says, “Tell your friends that if they want to talk to you *wait* until you come back. You’ll call them, tell them not to call you. If they need you in an emergency, they can call you. Make sure you finish all your projects before you leave the store and if you don’t, finish them up in the first week and then forget about it. Let them go, but don’t leave strings hanging.” It sounded like great advice and I took it.

I told all my friends, “Don’t call me, I’ll call you.” I finished up most all my projects before leaving and the ones I didn’t, I finished within the first week of being there. And it worked for me. It was a wonderful sabbatical! I’d seen and done things I never experienced before. I listened to different music. I listened to the wind and I walked on the trails and rode the trains, and developed that equilibrium I was looking for. And it was wonderful; just what I wanted.

And then one day there arrives a message and I felt the anxiety rise in my chest. I hate messages that are pages and pages long. This person did something to that person and this had happened and this is just exactly the political stuff that I didn’t want to be dealing with at this point. I was skimming through it and I looked who sent it and it came from my friend, Jane. Yes, the one who had given me all the advice. And I thought, “Jane, what are you doing?” and I replied, “Please remind Jane that I’m on sabbatical.” And I never read it and I didn’t give it another thought.

And, the days went by. And one night I was sitting on my bed and was listening to classical music and I was doing a jigsaw puzzle among other things. But, I was enjoying it. I was having a good time. And then came the jangle of the phone. Now this is the phone from hell because I didn’t want to talk to anybody. So I answered, “Hello,” in a firm voice. And I hear a voice say, “Hi, it’s me, Jane.” And I thought, “Jane, what are you doing?”

And I said, “Hello.” And she said, “So tell me everything. I bet you’re having a great time!” I said, “I’m working a jigsaw puzzle.” She said, “Oh, I love jigsaw puzzles! I always do jigsaw puzzles when I’m on vacation.” I said, “Hum, okay.” She said, “Sheila, you don’t sound so good, is everything okay?” And I chose that moment to not tell the truth. I said, “I’m fine.” She said I was having some issues and I’d like to bounce a few ideas off you. And I chose that moment to not tell the truth. I said, “Shoot.” And I must tell you I had another image in mind.

So she starting telling me who’d done what to who and how it was unfair and how she was being victimized. The whole time I gave her my one word snippiest answer in the sharpest tone I could. Finally, even Jane got it!

Jane says, “Well, I’ll handle it, just have a good time.” And I said, “Goodbye.”  And I was furious. I was furious at myself for not telling Jane the truth. And, I was furious at her for calling me. An hour later I was furious. Two hours later I was furious. And when I was laying in bed in the middle of the night, I was furious. And I realized that it was getting morning back in Alabama, so I got up in the middle of the night and I called her. 

I said, “Jane, this is Sheila. I’m calling because when you called me a few hours ago, I did not tell the truth.” I said, “I cannot believe you called me and the truth is, I’m angry about it. What’s going on here?”

She said, “Oh, Sheila, the moment I heard your voice, I knew I shouldn’t have. But this project is so important and I don’t have anybody to talk to about things like that.” She said, “I thought you might be taking on a little work, I’m really sorry.” And you know, you really know the power of the apology and I felt the anger flow from my feet. And I felt a lot better and I said, “You know, Jane, we all make mistakes. Have a good day.” And I was going to hang up the phone and as I was hanging up, I heard her say, “Sheila, wait.” And so I put the phone back to my ear and she said, “Sheila, since we are telling the truth, I’d like to tell you the truth."

She said the truth is, “I always call you. You never call me.” She said, anytime we get together outside of work, I’m always the one who sets it up. You never set it up". She said, “I am the only one putting any energy into this relationship”

And I thought to myself, this ought to be the battle cry of modern times…I’m the only one putting any energy into this relationship. And I said, “But, Jane, I don’t have the same needs.” The last thing I need to do at the end of the day to talk to someone about their projects.

She was hurt by that and she started crying, and she threw back another insult and I threw back another insult and for the next 15 minutes, we laid it all out. Whatever we’d done to each other, every insult, whether real or imagined was laying out there looking at us.

And after we had gotten all that out and we were sitting there panting, I don’t who it was that said it, but somebody said, “Hey, this is life." The fact is we do really like each other. We really do and we can make some compromises and we usually do. You know, we laid that all out and talked about it from every possible angle and I can remember sitting there and it was dawning in Amsterdam, talking to Jane and I felt closer to her than I ever felt in my life.

Now that brings me to the first rule of truth. And that is that truth brings you closer to the people you love.

Truth

Now let’s turn our attention to the second step in self-empowerment, truth.

We’ll start by revisiting first grade and what was for many of us our first formal lesson in truth. Do you remember the George Washington story? George Washington chopped down the cherry tree. Do you remember this?

He committed a completely malice act on a Cherry tree. He chopped it down! His father came up to him and said, “George, did you chop down this Cherry tree?” To which he replied, “Father, I cannot tell a lie.” At that point his father beat him within an inch of his life (just kidding). But that’s honesty. Truth is honesty. Truth is accuracy.

I did some calculations one day and I said, “I know these numbers are true." Truth is accuracy. What I realize is that truth is far more than honesty. Truth is far more than accuracy. What I realize is that truth is a force in the world. And it is a force that can lead us from where we are to a more empowered state.

Tomorrow, I will share an interesting story with you. please revisit for more on truth.

BREAK - Video Blog - Part 2

Today is a break from the written blog to present you a video blog. I think since Monday’s are the hardest day of the week, need a little lift. ENJOY!

The observing consciousness

The observing consciousness is not to be seen as something that is other than ourselves, it’s a place where you chose your thoughts and feelings. It doesn’t mean you divorce yourself from them. It’s where you choose your actions, but you still participate in them. You know, it can seem as separation from ourselves and when we operate from our observing consciousness, but actually it is a rejoining to ourselves and that’s what the observing consciousness is.

It is a realization of who we really are. I have people sometimes say, “Well you know I like getting out of control. I like getting really angry. I like getting really exhilarated.” And, I do to. But there’s a difference in having those feelings unconsciously and having them consciously.

I think of something that Richard Pryor said after he lit himself on fire and he quit his smoking of crack.  Some came up to him and said, “You know Richard, you’re not as funny as you use to be on drugs.” Richard says, “You know, the truth is my highs aren’t as high, but my lows aren’t as low either”. And there’s something to be said about choosing consciously who we are and how we feel. It doesn’t mean that we can’t feel any of those emotions.

Self-empowerment—granting yourself the power and the permission to be who you are. To make you’re unique contribution to living your life your way. As we’ve said, self-empowerment takes place in four steps:

1. Self-awareness
2. Truth
3. Love
4. Commitment

We’ve just looked at two components to self-awareness, self-responsibility and the observing consciousness.

Now let’s turn our attention to the second step, truth.

Before we do, I'll be posting another video blog. My goal is to have the VBs on Monday, because that's the start of the work week and we all need a good laugh. So check out tomorrow's video blog before we precede here.

More thoughts on self-awareness and Dybbuts

A funny thing happens when you start observing your thoughts. To your amusement and horror, you find that in many cases these thoughts are not even yours. They are from people who raised you, the people who taught you. They are from society at large. There’s a charter in folklore called the Dybbuk. Dybbuks, according to folklore are the souls or our ancestors living within us. Do you know what I’m talking about?

Have you ever yelled at your kid and your mother’s voice come out of your mouth? Have you ever spouted off a political philosophy and thought, that’s my father talking? I have Dybbuks. We all have Dybbuks. I have a Dybbuk that I got from my father and he got from his father and it goes back a long way.

Now my father is a very sweet, kind, gentle man. He really is. Except for one circumstance, that’s when he’s fixing something that’s broken. And of course, in my father’s household, you don’t call a repair person when something is broken. You fix it yourself. And, I always watched him. Whenever he was fixing something and something didn’t go quite right, and of course, something always doesn’t seem to go quite right, he would take it as a personal affront, and he would start swearing and slamming things around. And you know what? I’m the exact same way. 

I notice this about myself. And maybe you do to. Like when you are making a phone call and the call doesn’t go through, and you have to hang up and punch then numbers again you punch the numbers again. I find that second time I really punch those numbers. If that call doesn’t go through the second time, it’s all I can do to keep from slamming the phone against the wall.

One day my computer crashed. And felt myself tense up and get that really sick feeling. Having work I did get blown out by a computer…that can still send me over the edge! That’s my attitude. That really is my attitude. It just doesn’t make sense, that all. And when you look at it, when you really stop to observe it, you see that it doesn’t make sense. Life’s too short. And the more you look at it and the more you observe it, the less power it has over you. I don’t think I’ve kicked a computer for years now. Dybbuks, that how it works.

Tomorrow, more on the ability observe your own mind.

Three steps in observing something that is going on in your life

The first step is to observe your emotions. The emotions are generally is the first red flag that something is going wrong. Now, what were the emotions I wanted from my hike? I wanted serenity. I wanted solitude. I wanted peace of mind. What were the emotions I experienced? I was frustrated. I was angry. I was anxious. Now, what do you do in a situation like this in your emotions and you ask yourself, “What are my thoughts?” What are the judgments causing these emotions? Emotions are caused by our thoughts. And, my judgment was when you go out on a hike, you want solitude and serenity. Well, fair enough, but not on Labor Day Saturday. Not on a popular trail. Another judgment I had was that parents should control their kids. Well, if you can’t let your kids run wild in the wilderness, where can you let them run wild? And, so I realized, are these judgments serving me? Are they healthy choices? I realized, they weren’t. 

So, the mechanism again:             

1. Check your emotions
2. Check out your thoughts or the judgments causing your emotions
3. Look at your options. What can you do?

Until you stop and think, you just continue to play out the programming unconsciously. When I looked at my options and I had a couple. One was, I could use this as an exercise that is grist for the mill for me. I could spend this day working on changing my attitude, my judgments about what this day was going to be about. Enjoy it for what it was instead of what I wanted it to be. This is one option; not a bad one. But, there was a more appealing option. I stopped to think. When I stopped to observe it, I realized that there were a few trails that when off from the major trail. It was far more strenuous. It went over a major ridge. Not the kind of trail you put kids on, but it was okay for me. 

So I needed the exercise and so I turned to my friend and let’s take this little off shoot. He said, “Great idea.” So we did. In five hours we may have seen seven people. So I did get what I wanted, ultimately. But until I stopped, until I snapped out of the drama, until I stepped out of the programming, I was not able to see it. I was not able to choose. That’s the observing conscience, that’s self-awareness, that’s self-empowerment. 

More tomorrow observing thoughts, self-awareness and Dybbuts

How to handle conscience choices

It was one Labor Day and I had been working really hard I really needed some time off, or so I had convinced myself. So I was really excited about the three-day weekend. I needed some solitude. I needed some serenity. I needed to renew myself by connecting with nature, communing, you know what I mean? I called a friend and said, “Hey, why don’t we go hiking up to the national park on Saturday?” He said, “Great idea.” 

So we got in the car. We got all our sandwiches. We got our stuff together. We got excited. And as we were driving up to the park, I realized that there was a lot of traffic on the road. There was a lot of traffic going to the park. So, I feel myself tense up, because I wanted solitude. I wanted serenity. 

I thought, Sheila, who knows, it's a big park and we’ll just relax. And I looked at my friend and he was exactly oblivious to this drama. And so we got up to the ranger station where you pay your money and there was a line about a 12 cars deep and began to feel myself tense up again. And I said, Sheila, just hang on, we’ll and see what’s going on.

As we drove our way to the trail, the sign said parking area FULL. And, I felt myself tense up, yet even more. And my friend didn’t notice. And, I didn’t want to ruin his day. Let’s just go and see what happens. We have a plan, let’s execute it.

So we drove into the parking area anyway, and just as we pulled in a car was pulling out, and I said “Yes! God is on my side and He wants to commune with me too.” So, we got out of the car. There were a lot of people starting the trail and we let a lot go a head of us so we don’t walk too close to them. As the line started out and we were walking, and I didn’t want to get too close to them because I was there to commune with nature.

We rounded a bend and there was this mountain vista. I forgot all about my problems. I was over them by the beauty of this sense. I got out my camera and as was focusing on the viewfinder that there was a beach blanket setting there. And I couldn’t get my view without getting the beach blanket in there. I’m mad this time! I’m bringing out the big guns…I am going to complain! 

So, I turned to my friend and said, “It’s crowed out here, isn’t it?” And he said, “Yeah, it’s Labor Day Saturday. Everyone’s out on holiday.” And I said, “Yeah. That’s right. Everyone’s out on holiday.” Hey, it’s the forth of July. It’s the Boardwalk. It’s a parade. Let’s have a good time. And I realized -- that’s the attitude.

I was walking along and beginning to feel a little better about the situation, but now there is a problem with other people behind us not playing by the rules. The people behind us were a little too close and the problem was that there were about seven kids all between the ages of 9 and 13. You know what I mean? They’re all like little sticks with mouths on the end of it. And there was this one kid that was getting really close to us and every time he’d see something, he’d say “Yo, ma, look at this. Yo, ma, look at that”. And I was thing to myself, “Yo, ma, you might as well be in the Nintendo department at K-Mart.”

Again, I couldn’t control myself and turned to my friend and said, “Boy, these kids are loud.” He said, “Yeah, their having a great time. It’s great that their spending time with their families out in the wilderness instead of hanging out in front of the television or hanging out in the mall.”

And I said, “Yeah, that’s the attitude.” You know? And so we finally got to the lake and we were sitting on a rock and of course they came up and sit on the next rock. And my friend turned to them and said, “So, you having a good time?” They said that they were having a great time. They said they were from Texas and they’ve never seen mountains before. And they couldn't wait to tell their friends. 

I and thought, “Oh, Sheila!” I thought about it for a minute. And so, I pulled out my little bag of tricks of the observing consciousness. And there’s a little three step process that you need to observe something that’s going on in your life. And I’ll teach you these tomorrow.

The age old question...What is the “self”?

Self-empowerment...

It’s a funny thing because “empowerment” is the sexy word, but the really important, or the operative word is “self”. What is the “self”? And that’s something, as they say, has been puzzling philosophers for centuries.

Who are we, really? Who are you, really? And when I think of that I ask myself that question, I come up with a whole hierarchy of responses. I my first response is what I call the cocktail party response.

"I am, Sheila Stewart, nice to meet you. I own Synergy Solutions and I am attending Jones International University seeking a Bachelor's degree in Business Communications. I live in Athens, Alabama." 

And that works at cocktail parties, but when you think about it, if my name wasn’t Sheila Stewart, would I still exist? If I didn’t run Synergy Solutions, would I still exist? If I wasn't back in college, would I still exist? If I didn’t live in Alabama, would I still exist? Yes. So we look deeper. And we see that, oh, I know who I am…I’m me.

I’m my arm, my body, and my face. I begin where my skin begins and end where my skin ends. I’m my body. It’s kind of like a friend told me. She has a three year old son, Tommy, who was brushing his teeth one night. And as he was looking in the mirror, he stopped with a revelation and he says, “I’m not somebody else. I’m Tommy!” And what he realized is that thing in the mirror was him. And we realize that at some point.

But, if you think deeper, you think now I had a different body when I was three years old and I will have a different one yet when I’m sixty. And so, I’m not my body. My body is changing at the time.

And I look deeper and I see that, I know who I am. I’m that person in my head that’s looking out through my eyes. I’m my thoughts. I’m my judgments. I’m my emotions. I’m my actions. I’m what I think. But, am I really what I think? In other words, do we say things like “I think” or “I am thought”? And if we say things like “I think”, who’s the “I” doing the thinking? Who is it?

Who’s the “I” doing the feeling. We say things like, “I am feeling,” or “I feel.” Who is the “I” that’s doing the feeling? And when we look at it even closer, we realize that there’s a level of identity that goes beyond our thoughts, our feelings, our actions.

There is a place in our consciousness where we can stand and look at ourselves, where we can observe ourselves. It is our vantage point. And it is the vantage point for self-awareness. It’s the place where we can look and we can see our thoughts instead of be our thoughts. It’s a place where we can see our emotions instead of being triggered and being caught up in the drama of our emotions, which we are so much of the time. It’s the place where we can see our actions, instead of compulsively playing out our programming. And we do both of those things, don’t we?

And it is not only the vantage point for self-awareness, it is the access point for self-empowerment. Because when you can see your thoughts, when you can see your emotions, when you can your actions objectively, dispassionately, from outside of yourself then you can see other options. Other thoughts that might be appropriate, other emotions, other actions. And that’s what self-empowerment is all about, and that why we say that the observing consciousness is the access point for self-empowerment. Because it’s the place where you can see your options and you can make conscience choices. And that’s what we’re talking about here.

Living your life though conscience choice, making choices that supports who you are rather than living your life through unconsciousness programming.

Tomorrow I will give you an example of how that works for me.

Happy whatever!

What a day! Mercy! Not only are the Kardashian’s having trouble! Sunday, I worked with new hardware. Monday, (Halloween) my van had a rack and pinion steering replacement and a front-end alignment. I had a doctor’s appointment – PTL ALL is well with my health. Whether or you’re Kim or you’re Sheila, it all means the same thing. Today I took a break from the written blog to have a little fun. Here is my first video blog

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I use some amusing prompts, so don’t think that … whatever it is you’re thinking. Remember, we will learn and have fun. And, you don’t even have a clue what’s coming! Some of the audio is not good, but I know what I did wrong. I want to do a weekly Vblog. This is the first. Sorry, but I'll get better. Feedback appreciated