Assuming self-responsibility

Now, take what you wrote earlier (Oct. 27) about not feeling self-empowered and look at it again. Then make a list of two or three or ten ways in which you are responsible. What’s your roll in it? Be honest with yourself. If it frightens you, you can tear it up and throw it away, but before you do, write down what you could do to change the situation if you had a whole lot of courage. Now, stop reading here until you’re done writing. When you’re done come back.

By assuming self-responsibility, by identifying your roll in your life and understanding that you are your own point of power, you take a step closer to your self-empowerment, towards living your life your way. You have no excuses. Or to put it more nicely, there’s nothing holding you back because nothing can. Occasionally, I’ve heard from others different insights. I’ll share a couple with you:

I think a lot of it is old belief systems. Things that you don’t slough off as an adult that you’ve carried with you since the time you were a child. And they are no longer valid beliefs, but they’re still with you. So recognizing those and letting them go, realizing that current reality is current reality and has nothing to do with what you grew up with. And it’s hard to do that.

I think that’s interesting because it seems that life is not only a learning experience, but an unlearning experience too. And, both are important. It sort of like when you run a business, part of it is growing your things and adding new bells and whistles. And the other part of it, the one we often ignore, is simplifying and eliminating stuff that’s no longer useful. I’ll talk about that later when I talk about dibbits. Keep that word in mind.

I think a lot of it is that we undervalue ourselves and so other people undervalue us until we can learn to begin to value who we are and what we’re worth, we’re not going to get anything back from anyone else.

Wow! What can I say? That was well put. I can’t add anything to that statement.

Let's take a brief recap.

Self-empowerment in four acts: 

1. Self-awareness
2. Truth
3. Love
4. Commitment

We’ve just looked at the first half of self-awareness, or self-responsibility. Tomorrow we will look at the second half of self-awareness, the observing consciousness.

Driving it home on self-awareness

Now we can see so far that Caroline is a problem solver. Barbara is an excuse maker. Caroline sees why things will work. Barbara sees why things won’t work. Caroline creates her circumstances. Barbara is the victim of her circumstances. Caroline is self-empowered. Barbara isn’t.

It’s that simple. It’s a simple difference in orientation and it delivers radically different results. So, look at your problems. Look at your drama. How are you responsible? How did you create it? What is the roll you played in it? Think about that.

Your boss rejected your idea. Well, why? Was it a good idea? Or was it a half-baked idea? They’re a lot of those around. Did you communicate it clearly? Or was the boss just supposed to read your mind?

And, if you discover that, yes indeed, it was a wonderful idea, perfectly communicated and your boss really doesn’t just like you, then why doesn’t your boss like you?

Are you a good employee? Do you show up on time? Do you put in a good day’s work? Are you loyal? Do you take it seriously? Are you creative? What’s your roll in your boss not liking you?

And if you look at it and realize that yes, I am perfection incarnate and my boss is a jerk, then what are you still doing working for the jerk? In other words, what’s your roll in that?

Does your spouse or significant other ignore you or grunts at you when you come home after a hard day’s work? How are you responsible for that? What are you like when you come home after a hard day’s work? Are you any fun to talk to? Or are you crabby or depressed? How are you responsible?

When was the last time you asked your spouse or significant other how their day was? Did you listen? Did you care? Did you response? Have you let your significant other or spouse know that you care whether or not they talk to you when you come home? That you need it, or are they suppose to read your mind too?

In other words, how are you responsible? And, if the fact is that you’re married to a dummy, what are you doing married to a dummy? How are you responsible? What roll are you playing?

Referring back to post on Oct. 26. You see the old bag lady walking with her cart. Don’t advert your eyes. Don’t try to put it out of your mind. Look at it and ask yourself, “How must it feel to not know where my next meal would be coming from?” How would it feel if I did not know where I was going to sleep tonight? Really, how would that feel? And ask yourself, what kind of a world is it where this can happen? And how am I responsible? How am I part of the problem and how am I part of the solution?

I don’t ask you to do this so that you have yet one more club to beat yourself up with. I don’t ask you to do this so that you can go on a guilt trip. I ask you to do this because when you look at things like this, you get answers. When you ask questions like this, you get answers. And you may see that the way you are part of the problem is that you’re not reaching in your pocket and giving this person anything. 

Or it might even more simple than that. You may see that what you need to do is give her smile and a kind word. That might be even more valuable to her. It might have been a long time since anybody was nice to her. You may see that you might need to take her to a shelter. You may see that you need to take her home. Or you may see you need volunteer for a shelter, or donate, or become Mother Teresa. I don’t know. You may see that you need to vote differently. Or talk to your friends differently, or merely think differently about this problem. Because when you do, you will realize something that self-empowered people know, and that is the only thing you can change is yourself. That’s it.

People who aren’t self-empowered feel that other people and circumstances control them, remember? Well, the other part of it is they feel that they can control other people and circumstances. And, so they feel constantly guilty about it, because they’re not very good at it. Self-empowered people get rid of the guilt trip and that’s the funny thing about self-empowerment.

While it looks like you’re taking on the burdens of the world, how am I responsible for homelessness? How am I responsible for pollution? How am I responsible for my boss? And you realize that while it looks like taking on the burdens, it is actually the lifting of burdens. Because you realize something self-empowered people know. And that is when you change yourself then, other things change as if by magic. When you change the way you relate to your boss, your boss’s behavior changes. When you change the way you relate to the person in your life, their behavior changes. When you relate differently to the poor homeless woman, then the burden of that poor homeless woman is lifted even a bit. And that’s self-empowerment. And that’s how it works. 

Return tomorrow for...

The other friend

My other friend is Barbara. And what Barbara does for a living is, well, Barbara’s on welfare. And Barbara hates being on welfare. Barbara hates taking something she didn’t earn. Barbara hates when she goes to a cocktail party and people ask her, “So what do you do?” And she has to fumble for some answer.

Barbara hates the way they treat her at the welfare office. She said, “They don’t treat me with any respect.” And so I go to Barbara. I say Barbara, look what Caroline is doing. Why don’t you clean houses? And Barbara says, “Well, I’m not going to be anybody’s servant.”

Well, I guarantee you that Caroline was not consider herself to be anybody’s servant. And, if you were to treat Caroline like a servant, you would have exactly one opportunity to do so. Because she would drop you like a hot potato. Because she has a waiting list ten people deep of the finest homes in New York and she charges about fifty percent more than the going rate. She has more work than she can handle because Caroline takes it seriously.

Caroline may not be a servant, but Caroline is of service. You know what that means? Do you know the difference? It’s fundamental. In fact, Caroline has cards that she had printed and they are beautiful. I love them. It has Caroline, in beautiful script. The domestic you’d swear was imported. Isn’t that nice?

Caroline has discretion. If she found something under your bed that’s a little embarrassing, she keeps her mouth shut. If a message comes over your machine, she keeps her mouth shut. Caroline, God forbid, she should clean your house and not leave a little chocolate, or a little flower, or a little note, because she takes it seriously. She’s a professional. She is of service.

And I’m telling all of this to Barbara. And Barbara’s saying “Well, I’m getting old fast enough as it is. I can’t deal with those detergents, I can’t deal with those solvents. Look at these hands.”

So I go to Caroline and say how about the solvents? How about the detergents? She says, “They’re horrible!” She says she has to use rubber gloves.

So, I go to Barbara and say “rubber gloves”. Barbara says, “How am I going to get around? I can’t afford a car. How am I going to get from house to house?”

It occurred to me that Caroline didn’t have a car, so I ask, “Caroline, you don’t have a car do you?” She says, “No, I don’t choose to put my money into a car right now. They are very expensive. I choose to put my money into my art and my travels.” She says, “I take the bus.”

So I go to Barbara and say “the bus”. Barbara says, “Have you ever tried to read those bus schedules?” 

So, you begin to hear the difference, don’t you? Between somebody who is self-responsible and somebody who is not self-responsible. 

Tomorrow we will exam more closely the distinct difference between these two.

Introspection and thoughts

Okay, I’m going to assume that you’re ready to do some introspection. If you haven’t already, please get some paper or a notebook. Take just a couple of minutes to do the exercise that I described in the last blog. Write down an incident where you didn’t feel self-empowered or area of your life you consistently feel un-empowered. It doesn’t have to be some definitive statement on your life. A simple paragraph will do. Hold on to what you write. You’ll do some more work with it later on.

Now stop here and compete the exercise. When done, continue reading.

Remember, self-empowerment consists of four steps:

1. Self-awareness
2. Truth
3. Love
4. Commitment

Let’s look at the first step, self-awareness. We divide it into two halves. First, self-responsibility and second, the observing consciousness. Remember, following along in this journey as I lay it out will help you.

Let’s turn our attention now to self-awareness and the first half of self-awareness, self-responsibility. I think the best way to describe self-responsibility is to tell you a story about a couple of friends of mine.

One, is Caroline and the other is Barbara. Now, Caroline is quite the self-empowered woman. And I use Caroline as an example of an empowered woman quite deliberately. Because she’s not somebody you would look at and say, “She’s self-empowered.” She’s not a caption of industry. She’s not famous. She doesn’t make tons of money. But, Caroline is self-empowered. What Caroline does for a living is quite curious. Caroline cleans houses.

Caroline cleaned my house for several years while I was traveling so much, until I moved. And Caroline was quite the self-empowered house cleaner. She arrived at my house every other Wednesday, promptly at eight o’clock. Looking like a million bucks. Wearing quite literally the latest Vogue fashion. I’m talking $500 and $600 outfits. Now, Caroline, on a house cleaner’s salary cannot afford the latest Vogue fashions. But what can Caroline do? Caroline can shoplift—NO, just kidding. But seriously, Caroline can sew. And Caroline does sew. And Caroline hunts the fabric shops. They all know her. They love her.

Whenever they have a remnant of cashmere, or silk, or something special, they put it in the back room for Caroline. When she shows up she gets it for twenty cents on the dollar. And she throws it in her back room. And once a year for about two weeks, she pulls out the sewing machine and she sews until, as she puts it, “The thought of another stick makes me want to puke.” But, in that two week period she sews five or six beautiful multi-hundred dollar outfits that cost her a fraction of that amount. Now, Caroline lives in a beautiful apartment in New York, overlooking a park, hardwood floors, two bedrooms, high ceilings.

Caroline has an art collection that’s worth something over $20K that she’s been collecting since she was in college. Caroline goes to Paris every year, at least once, sometimes twice. She has friends there. She’s working on her friends. She has this wonderful double life that she leads there. And then she comes back and cleans. So Caroline’s doing quite well.

Tomorrow I will talk about my other friend, Barbara and compare the differences in these two women.

What slows us down to becoming self-empowered?

Outside circumstances is another force that slows us down. Relationships, careers, lifestyles, promises, obligations. These are very resistant to change. Have you noticed that? They can feel like traps sometimes. Sometimes it feels like they’re controlling us more than we are controlling them. But, self-empowered people know better. Self-empowered people know something about what Charles Dickens wrote over a hundred years ago, and that is, “We forge the chains that bind us.” You know the funny thing is when we look at those chains, when we really look at those chains, truthfully, and lovingly, and courageously, we see that they’re not chains at all. They’re lessons. They’re what we’re here to learn. They’re gifts. And like signposts they can lead us along on our path to self-empowerment.

So, force number one that slows us down, other people. Number two is outside circumstances. Number there, ourselves. We get in our own way too. Have you noticed? Self-empowerment is about self-awareness. I’ll talk a good bit about self-awareness. 

Self-awareness means knowing who you are. Or it means having a better idea of who you are. It means knowing where you’re going. It means knowing your values. It means knowing your purpose. And the problem with too many of us is that we have too many values. We have too many purposes. Some of which are mutually exclusive.

Let me tell you about a values problem that I’m struggling with right now. I want, and I really do, I want to live simply, so that others may simply live. I love that bumper sticker. And I also want my swimming pool to be heated to about 82 degrees. That would be about perfect. So, what do I do about this? Well, self-empowered people know the answers to questions like this. And I have a sneaking suspicion that it makes life a lot less complicated. So those are the things that slow us down. And those are the things that maybe slowing you down too.

What I’d like to do now is ask you to do now, is that you do a quick exercise. It won’t take more than a minute. What I’d like you to do is think about an area in your life where you don’t feel empowered. Think about an incident in your life where you didn’t feel empowered in the last few days or in the last week. Maybe it was when your boss rejected your idea. Maybe it was when you came home after a hard day’s work and your significant other or spouse ignored you. Maybe it was when you were walking down the street and saw the old bag lady and her shopping cart and you felt sick and helpless. Maybe it was when you trusted your GPS and it failed you. Think about it.

I know what you’re thinking. “I’ll do this later.” But, don’t. Don’t cheat yourself this way. A major premise of this blog is that to be self-empowered, we must actively exam ourselves and our lives. Like anything else, this doesn’t happen without some time and effort. So please, take the time and effort to do this self-examination exercises I ask you to do. It’ll bring the information home to you like never before.

You’ll need a quite place and something to write with. If you’re driving, just pull over. Your car can be the perfect place to do these exercises. If you can’t do them now, I won’t be offended and may I suggest that you not turn on the radio or music. In fact, use this time to think for awhile in silence. Look around. You could sing to yourself, or count your blessings. In other words, try something different. Then when you’re ready, when you’re comfortable, when you’re ready to do some introspection, I’ll see you tomorrow.

What is self-empowerment?

I’d like to start by using a definition, so we all know what we’re talking about here. What is self-empowerment? Self-empowerment is to be taken quite literally. Self-empowerment means granting yourself the power. Granting yourself the power and the permission to live your life your way. That’s it. It’s that simple and that exciting!

When I talk about living your life your way, I’m not talking about selfishness; quite the contrary. Self-empowered people are among the most selfless and giving people on the earth. When I talk about living your life your way, I’m also not talking about self-containment. Self-empowered people are often the people of the deepest faith.

So what am I talking about? Living your life your way means simply being yourself and everything that flows from you. It means being with people who love you for yourself; just the way you are, not for something they want from you, and not from who they want you to be.

And you love them back for the same reason. When you’re living your life your way, your work is a joy. It comes easy to you. You’re a master at it, and you are rightly compensated for it. When you live your live your way, every moment is alive. You don’t need a cup of coffee to wake up in the morning, if you know what I mean. Everyday is a new exploration of the world of yourself.

Do you have problems? Do you have setbacks? Of course, you have tons of them, just like now, just everybody else. But, here’s the difference, when you’re self-empowered, you face them with your eyes open, secure in the faith that if you are true to yourself things will always workout for the best. Always. No exceptions. Even if you don’t know what the best looks like. So, living your life your way, self-empowerment. It sounds pretty good doesn’t it?

Compare it to how you’re living your life now. If you’re like the vast majority of us, chances are you’re falling just a tad bit short of this ideal. Welcome to planet earth! And don’t worry about it.

Self-empowerment is not to be thought of as some exhausted final condition, even though, I suppose it is. Self-empowerment is best though of; however, as a process. And, when we understand how the process works, we can empower ourselves literally daily.

Everyday, we become more of who we are. Everyday, we can look ourselves in the mirror and experience a deeper recognition. That’s quite an exhilarating recognition.

What we are going to do over the next few weeks is look at how self-empowerment works. Look at the process, the mechanism, the natural laws, if you will. And look at how we can apply this process. How we can put it to work in our own lives.

So, let’s start by looking at why don’t we live our lives our way. What stops us? What slows us down? I’ve looked at it for sometime and I’ve been able to identify three things that get in the way.

The first is other people. Right? Spouses, significant others, bosses, co-workers, family, friends, society at large. They all have great plans for you. Don’t they? I think it’s one of the sad inevitable walks of life that if you don’t have the courage to pursue your own dreams, then you are a sitting duck for the multitude of intuitive people that would only be too happy to recruit you to pursue their dreams. And, to give the benefit of the doubt, to recruit you to pursue their dreams for you. They may have your best interests at heart. Or at least, they think they do. So, other people impede our progress.

What’s another thing that impedes our progress?

Come back tomorrow for number two: outside circumstances

Being a self-empowered communicator

I feel like in order to help you be a better communicator, I first want to relate to you the importance of having self-empowerment. I’m Sheila Stewart and I’m very happy that you will be joining me. The segment is designed to help you, quite simply, become more of you who are. The thesis of this segment is that quality of your life is directly proportional to the degree that you are living it true to yourself.

The idea is that, yes, there is a true you. Beyond other people’s images of you, beyond your job description, beyond your social status, beyond your own confusion about yourself. There is an authentic you. A you who knows exactly who you are. A you who knows exactly what your gifts are, exactly what you stand for, exactly what your purpose is, exactly how you ought to be living your life.

Self-empowerment is the process of growing into this person; of waking up to this person. I will tell a many stories about the people in my life, so protect them and to protect me from them I have changed their names and an occasional detail. 

From time-to-time, you will be called on to do either mental or written exercises. I encourage you to do them. The value of this segment will be multiplied if you do.

I have divided self-empowerment into four steps, or four phases:

1. The first step is self-awareness
2. The second step, truth
3. The third step, love
4. The forth step, commitment

Now, I realize that these are fairly philosophical issues. And as such, they unfold endlessly.

You can look at them from an infinite number of angels and never be board. We will take, however, a rather direct route through these principles. But as you follow along I will no doubt occasionally raise more questions in your mind than answers. Let that be okay.

A big part of self-empowerment is realizing just beautiful and complex mystery that you are. And you are. So, self-empowerment in four simple easy and occasionally not so simple and not so easy steps. I really am glad you’ve joined me.

Follow me tomorrow when I describe what it is to be self-empowered and gaining the means to live your life your way.

Are you ready for a blog that deals with truth, love, and commitment?

Do you want your life to reflect who you are?

Do you see your work as a way to make a contributions, as well as money?

Are you interested in the deeper meanings of life?

Granted, truth love and commitment and not the usual topics you across on most blog sites. Yet, these are the controls that get to the core of ones self-development. In fact, these issues are the forces that empower you. Once your recognize the areas you are weak in, then the next step is to take a plan of action to strengthen them.

Truth: Truth is much greater than accuracy or honesty. It’s a force that can systematically release your from the areas in your life where you are stuck. Through an understanding of truth, you can move step by step to the exhilarating freedom of being who you are.

Love: It’s so much more than hearts and flowers. Like truth, it is a force – one that can heal the fear that is at the root of all your negative thoughts, emotions and actions. It is the force by which you can help heal the world as well.

Commitment: Without commitment, you are rootless. The result is a bitter cynicism. Or a desperate need to please other people. Or a life ruled more by whims than conscious choice. Have you ever noticed this in others? Have you ever noticed it in yourself?

These are heavy issues and I hopefully I will be helping you understand. Somehow just asking the questions gets your closer to the answers. And, that alone will bring your some practical results:

• You’ll be less anxious and fearful, and far more courageous
• People who try to manipulate or intimidate your will have less power of over you
• Your eyes will open wider. You’ll see (and hear and taste and smell and touch) more of the exquisite beauty that life has to offer
• You’ll feel less hassled. You’ll be more purposeful, and waste less them on things that don’t matter
• You’ll exert far more control over your thoughts and emotions – and communicating will be much easier
• You’ll be more motivated, creative, productive – and just plain fun to be around.

 In other words, you’ll live a more empowered life, at home, at work – and most of all within yourself. By being self-empowered, you see your entire life change around you. Now don’t think I’m going “fruit loops” on you, but you will see how you communicate with others in a whole new why and experience relationships that will amaze you, once you become more self-aware.

So, visit tomorrow as we begin to explore how and why you can achieve your potential though self-awareness. The manifestation of this blog will gratifying to me when I see you keep coming back and to find something we can explore and achieve together.

Moving too fast...

This is a nice little story and illustrates all kinds of interesting things. Today I’d like to comment on relationships and the illogical progression of how you went from meeting that someone to being intimate so fast. Now, at first glance, this makes absolutely no sense at all. 

The secret of building and sustaining a powerful long-term relationship with the person of your dreams is all about one thing -- becoming a master of emotions. It's about learning how to read and react to the emotions of the person you want so that you can create a deep, powerful connection that's built to last. Most people nowadays are so caught up in themselves, their career, their this or their that, that emotional connections are rarely being made that are strong and long-lasting.

I encourage you to relate to others more. Get off your butt, and go out there and meet someone. Connecting with someone could be just as simple as saying “hello” to the cashier or someone standing in line with you. You simply must get started today! 

It’s fun. You’ll build your self-esteem. And you’ll relate to people on a whole new level.

Side note for men

Understand that just because a woman is saying that "she doesn't usually do things like this", that it doesn't mean she doesn't want to. Try to make her as comfortable as you can and allow her to express herself. Let things build slowly. You won’t regret it.

In this segment we see how someone may be perceived as “moving to fast”, but understand that our emotions are largely how we communicate with each other and we don’t even realize it.

Whenever we see someone we instantly perceive them in a certain way. Next, time allow yourself to open your mind and explore the possibilities of thinking differently. What you think you see may not necessarily be what it is. Be open and explore the possibilities of not only being perceived as being confident, you will be.

Communication and perception

Communication and perception skills aren’t inborn, they’re learned. In this blog, I will share with you the specific techniques and strategies that will help you communicate more effectively while being less misunderstood. You’ll learn some interesting and eye-opening concepts in the course of this blog.

Topics covered:

•     How to effectively communicate

•     Discover how to increase sensitivity in perception

•     Tips on how to enhance your communication skills

•     A look at in-depth ascertaining to “see” or “know” the “real thing”

•     How to compensate for “one-dimensional” telephone communicating

•     Listening techniques that actually increase your credibility and influence

•     Special communication techniques that are wonderfully helpful for daily living

•     Are you seeing what you “think” you see? Tips on how to take a second look

•     Check yourself for subtle mannerisms that send the message “I’m not paying attention.”

•     Never misunderstand anyone again (no matter how poor his communications skills may be!)

•     Real-life rules about gossip: how to stay away from it and avoid becoming part of the problem

•     Learn how to establish “feedback loops” and gain a reputation for always getting the message correct

•     A sound strategy to avoid “communication breakdowns” and the mistakes and oversights that come with them

Why not reap the benefits of proper communication rather than reap the pitfalls? This may be the most productive, enlightening blog you will ever experience. We’ll have lots of fun learning, too!

The followup

If you're like most guys, there's something that happened in your past that's responsible for all of your success or all of your failure with women. Therefore, if you're having trouble attracting women or making your move with them or satisfying a woman in the bedroom then we need to talk.

When a man is confident plus funny in the right mixture he triggers an unstoppable emotional response in a woman. These are feelings that she's almost helpless to resist. Once a woman feels these emotions, she can't stop herself from wanting to be with the man who made her feel them, even if she wanted to.

And, as I study, I find that more and more men who were highly successful with women and dating, I noticed that they shared two traits in common:

1) They weren't afraid to "have fun" with women.

2) They always came across as cool, confident and assertive right out of the gate, but always in a smart, funny, sensitive way.

These are feelings that she's almost helpless to resist. Once a woman feels these emotions, she can't stop herself from wanting to be with the man who made her feel them even if she wanted to!

But, of course whenever one guy stumbles on a good thing, a bunch of others will inevitably step in, take things too far and ruin it, right? In the case of using humor and confidence with women, this means that way too many men are just plain coming off as obnoxious. Or offensive. Or arrogant. Or worst of all... as ignorant and insensitive. 

That in mind, here come the keys to acting confident and funny with women while NEVER, EVER coming across like a "jerk". It is simple: BE CONFIDENT... YET SENSITIVE.

If you’ve just landed here go back two posts to catch up to here.

A man I spoke with on an internet dating site. He is forever telling me what I should do, who I should listen to and he continually interrupts me. I don’t return his calls. You will understand why. Catch up on my blog to this point by going back two posts.

I will get back on track tomorrow but, I just had to let you know that this man is nuts!

Just listen…

The saga continues…

Now that I found his ‘more holier than thou’ website, I got his email address and sent him the recording of call. The call went on and on, but I felt I recorded enough to get the message. I had to go to his website because I am no longer signed up with the dating site.

Here we go…

_______________________________________________________

ME:

This is why I can't deal with you. I've attached this recording so you can hear yourself continually interrupting me, and repeating yourself. You do not have respect for me because you TELL me things that YOU want me to know. Frankly, I am a grown woman and can think for myself. I don't need you or anyone else telling me what to think, when to think or how to think.

Unless you apologize, and start treating me with respect without interrupting me, never call me again. I don't do drama or bickering.

Sheila 

_______________________________________________________ 

HIS REPLY:

that only showed you total disrespect for me....you gave me bull shit excuses...

you blamed me for saying your a good person and I was looking forward to meeting you...you said you would. When you got back you never called me based on bull shit lies and excuses.

Then you start recording me....when everything I told you,,did indeed happen to you.

So you can take you bull shit to some where else. YOU DO NOT DESERVE ME!

Your the bull shit artist!

_______________________________________________________

MY REPLY:

You are one sad case. I feel so sorry for you. It's no wonder you are alone. You always will be too. And, since you are so God fearing, just remember the Bible says: For I say, through the grace given unto me, to every man that is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think; but to think soberly, according as God hath dealt to every man the measure of faith. --Romans 12:3.

One would think if they were beginning a relationship, they would be nice and kind and not be demanding or demeaning. The reason I never called you back was because you always made me feel like I didn't have a brain of my own. When you call, you're the one doing the talking, I can't get a word in edgewise. Please feel free to review the recording again.

Yes, I do blame you for saying that I'm a good person. You don't even know me! You can't just start talking to a complete stranger and tell them you know them. That's complete and utter nonsense! I don't care what you say about being intuitive. I have some intuition too. And my instincts told me to void you. I don't need to get involved with someone who will never let me speak without interruption.

And for God's sake why in the world do you think that you are the only one doing anything to protect people. You are the bull shitter and you certainly do not deserve me. I just can't stand people who are so stuck on themselves. You are retarded. Rather, than calling you back, I was just hoping that you would just forget about me. I don't need this. And I certainly don't need you.

_______________________________________________________

HIS REPLY:

your completely full OF SHIT....YOUR THE ONE INSANE..your own bull shit condemnations.....\

YOU OWN prejudgments...

GO TO HELL with you lies.....you decided to PLAY GAMES ON ME...

you decided TO MAKE UP YOUR OWN BULL SHIT.

DON'T EVEN DARE USE GOD....HE IS NOT LISTENING TO YOU OWN BULL SHIT.

i have many people interested in me,,,,IT IS YOUR BUT THAT WILL NEVER GET A REAL GUY....BECAUSE FEW EXIST.

YOUR A REAL DUMB ASS....

GROW UP YOURSELF.....

YOU WANT SOME MORE SHIT...JUST KEEP RESPONDING TO ME

I WILL GLADLY TELL YOUR DUMB ASS OF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOUR PREJUDICE...AND BULL SHIT IS NUTS!!

 _______________________________________________________

MY REPLY

NONE – I did not reply. However, I got another email from him

_______________________________________________________

HIS REPLY:

what is really sad and wrong...is you blaming me for what happens online.....you face..what i warn from people.  And you still think I am wrong..and crazy..

Everyday I see example of what people face and many times women admit what I say.....and sometimes don't want to here it also,

_______________________________________________________

Now some of you may wonder why I am a basket case! It's because of people like this. If you are on an internet dating site, be careful. I'll have a lot more on that later. I have never met this man and I hope you never do either! Lord, it enough to make my blood pressure rise.

I’m going to have to jump right in here and interrupt myself. I'm really wanting to give my readers a clear understanding and background about me. I want you to know me a little bit before jumping in the heavy stuff. But this just happened. And this is what the focus of this blog is all about.


I made a phone call recording between me and an another egotistical male that I met on a dating site. The only communication we had was via phone calls. He's called me on several occasions and begins telling me that I'm a good lady and that I was genuine and blah, blah, blah. I ask this man, "How do you know that I am a good person, you don't even know me?" His reply was that he could tell and how intuitive he is and a bunch of pure BS. He when on about how he was a women's rights activist and a did community work, his credentials and on and on.

Now, whenever this man calls and we do connect he continually interrupts me. It's rude and annoying. This is just one example of poor communications. You certainly cannot listen if your mouth is moving! This happens on every freaking call. He says something, I begin to response and he starts butting in again. I am so annoyed by this that when he leaves a VM for me to return is call, I just ignore it. Why would I want to punish myself like that! So he whines that I don't return his calls. Get a clue, dude! 

Having never met the man, he seems to think he knows me and tells me what he’s all about, like I really give a care. Quite frankly, I am not impressed about material things and being seen among those who have a high position is society. And those of you who know me know that. 

I don't go hating on people who are successful and have fine material possessions. I love those people! If I'm friends with someone like that maybe I'll get invited to a big shindig. I love a good party! But, if that person is always bragging on themselves I'm avoiding them. I'll go make my own party!

Nonetheless, I am a grown woman. I think for myself, I speak for myself, I am respectful to others, until they disrespectful me. Don't get me wrong. I seek advice from others and help and guidance. Look, I'm real enough to admit I don't know it all, but what I don't know, I'll bet I'll find someone to help me. And, at times, I do need help. 

Anyway, this man continually boasts about himself and all the volunteer work he does and other stuff he doesn't get credit for. OMG, I just can't take it. He hasn't even asked or wanted to know anything about me. He thought he knew me already. HA! 

He tells me he serves the Lord, but he is the type that serves to be seen, heard and that everyone knows about it. 

Whenever you help someone, don’t go around tooting your own horn all the time, because you’re doing it just to be seen of men. Really, who cares. Get over yourself dude. And, you wonder why he has never married!

I’m finding that there are many men who just do not have their head screwed on right! Well, women too for that matter.

I sent him the recording so that he could listen to himself, but he probably was interrupting that recording too! I just imagine =)

As you listen, notice that he keeps interrupting me, keeps asking the same questions and never allows me to finish. This is so freaking funny. Fellows, pay attention!

He knows he’s being recorded!  This is hilarious!

Tomorrow I will pasting unedited responses from a couple of emails that followed after I sent the him the recording. 

Follow this for a laugh too. But, listen to the recording first because that how the sequence starts.

Well ladies and gentlemen, this is a point to be taken seriously. When someone speaks, shut up and listen, wait your turn and then say something without repeating yourself!

If anyone has a question or comments please leave one. This is just the first of many examples of poor communication skills. 

SIDE NOTE: To be a Christian mean to be Christ like. This man is a bad testimony and gives Christians a bad rap. 

To be continued....

More about me and communications

Through the next few posts I will simply be sharing my story with you so you’ll better understand my passion. But after that, we are going to be getting into some really cool communications techniques and tips on sending and receiving communications.

After reflecting on my past while looking toward the future, I realize that just as our planet’s season change, so do the seasons of our lives. Of course music as always been a major part of my life, and I’ve had seasons of changes where I would prefer on genre over another. Who knows what my next fav will be?

At one time in my life, I had a passion for electronics. I have a degree is Solid State Technology so I thought that finding a job in that realm would be what I would do. I pretty much saw myself as troubleshooting circuits and repairing them; perhaps even building electronic devices.

I actually did build an electronic device for one of my class projects. The device I selected to build was a Gnome micro-synthesizer to be used with my electric guitar. It came in a kit with the schematic and wiring diagrams, all the components, diodes, resistors, transistors, capacitors, circuit board, housing, screws, everything except the soldering iron and solder.

When I opened the package, I was scared to death! I felt like Helen Keller who just opened a 1000 piece puzzle box. Mercy, I was nervous. Naturally, I cleared a work space to build the thing. I don’t remember how long it took, but because it was a class project. I just know I had it finished on time. And when it was finished it looked liked this.

Now in building this Gnome synthesizer, all I had to do was to follow the instructions read the diagram and assemble the components correctly. Do you know happened? The freaking thing worked! It worked! I shocked myself (again). I just could hardly believe that I built it from scratch. What an accomplishment!

But what would have happened if any part of the instructions were incorrect? It would have not worked, right? If I did not follow the instructions, it would have not worked either.

The importance of written communication is just as important as verbal or other non-verbal communication. Understanding the message is of utmost importance.

By the way, I was curious about the device and looked it up. I just can’t believe this thing is still around! Check it out! Gnome Micro Syntheizer

For some reason I couldn't make the link work so here's the URL: 
http://synthdiy.com/show/?id=641
Just copy and paste into your browser.


Thanks for stopping by!

Introducing The Synergy Communicator

Hello world!

It’s me, Sheila. You know the one who lost her marriage, her business, and almost all of her heart. Yeah, that’s me. Well guess what? I’m back! It’s been almost four years since my divorce, and I’m here to testify that what don’t kill you and who don’t kill you WILL make you stronger, and you’ll get stronger by necessity not by choice, because the true is that you really wanted to die for that brief moment in time.

Figuratively speaking, I have been knocked down so many times its unreal. It hurts. You cry. You get up. You go on. You heal.

I’ve always wanted to help people. I guess that’s natural act of kindness that I feel is embodied within each of us. That’s why so many people volunteer to help others in times of tragedy or sorrow, or in some other time of need.